A 1,000 Goodbyes

There are moments when I write for the sake of seeing truth on paper.  It's my way of reminding my heart of the knowledge that Christ has given to all believers. That's the case with this blog. It's deeply personal, and on this day, I need to see the end of my confusion. It's my hope that it will help another mom see the end of her confusion, too.
​ Lots of love,
 Victoria 

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​Grief is saying goodbye a thousand times. It’s believing that every goodbye is the last time. It’s hoping that the next goodbye will never come, and if it does, it will be a little easier than the nine hundred and ninety-nine goodbyes that caught us off guard. Grief is soaking up the in between times, the moments when the clock of life seems only a tick off rather than whirling into oblivion.
Grief goodbyes are letting go to keep our sanity. The goodbyes protect the ones that are left behind. Goodbyes are heartache and hope intertwined into a handful of confusion that can be horrific to unravel. If we’re lucky, we’ll find the end of the confusion before the next goodbye comes steaming into our lives.
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Goodbye,
On the day that you left.
Goodbye,
On the day that we packed your things away.
The counselor said it was time.
Goodbye,
When your 18th birthday came and went.
Goodbye,
That time your hair turned into dust in my hands.
I thought it would last longer than three years.
Goodbye,
On graduation day.
Your place in the procession was behind your Hannah.
Goodbye,
The day your little sister got married.
She’s the big sister, now.
Goodbye,
When the little boys came, and you were missing.
Because 1+2 never quite equals 4.

Grief is saying goodbye a thousand times. It’s embracing the void. It’s choosing empty hands rather than clinched fists. It’s whispering It’s okay and praying that you can hear our words. It’s choosing Heaven for you and life for us.

It’s letting go to hang on.
It’s knowing it’s only a thousand goodbyes.
It’s believing there’ll be eternal hellos.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 – you will not grieve as people who have no hope.