There’s a hum of testosterone that fills the air at my house. If you listen closely, you might hear it. If not, you’ll surely feel it. It’s a vibrato of sorts, a vibration that permeates every nook and cranny of the place we call home.
There’s something about two or more boys sharing close quarters. I don’t know too much about the ‘or more’ part, but I know enough to concede that any mom raising a large consortium of boy men will need extra prayers.
My home is in a disarray that cannot be put into words. I wait for the next broken something. It could be a bone. It could be a lamp. Sometimes, I don’t actually see a boy move by me. I only feel the wind from their run and the smell of the outdoors.
What have I learned about boy men?
Clothes are optional. If clothes must be worn, jockeys it will be.
If all clothes must be worn, jockeys it will not be.
Everything is a competition—such as, walking to the car, buckling a seatbelt, peeing, eating, going to bed, and taking a bath. If it gets done quicker or better, it’s a win.
Nudity is funny. Your own nudity is preferable.
The name of the game is to have the loudest, stink worthy fart of all time. Burping earns bonus points. Getting by with it at the dinner table is a double-dog dare.
Using the restroom is not necessary. Peeing is necessary. Doing it in the privacy of a bathroom is not.
Brothers who pee together stay together.
Everything can and will be used as a weapon of mass destruction.
Mechanical devices are fair game if tools are nearby.
Doors are never closed. They simply slam.
Groceries are gone in a matter of days. Buy large quantities. It won’t matter. You’ll still be standing in the check-out line of your local supermarket on a Wednesday.
Boys love their dogs and their momma—almost as much as they love their daddy.
So, tonight if you can wrangle your boys into the tube, kiss their sweet smelling cheek goodnight, and thank The Lord that you survived another day of being a boy mom.
(c) 2017 Victoria Paxton
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Victoria Paxton spends her mornings teaching special education and her afternoons raising two fantastic sons. She's the wife of Mr. Paxton, and, also, the mother of a grown, full of faith daughter who is married to Victoria's favorite son-in-law, Nathan.