I decided to take my boys to the park last week. While we were there, my youngest son lost sight of me. I was out of his range of vision for mere seconds, but he was startled, and said to me, Momma, I thought you leave me. To which, I replied, Leo, you know that your momma would never leave you.
There are moments when The Lord speaks to us quietly, and then, there are moments when it feels like the Holy Spirit is searing us on the inside, like a hot rod is being placed into our soul.
The second happened to me that day in the park.
As soon as the words to my son left my mouth, The Lord spoke into my spirit. Victoria, he does not know that you won’t leave him. Don’t belittle his feelings.
I understood better than to brush off my son’s fears and should have chosen my words more wisely.
If you’re the adoptive parent of an abandoned child, I don’t have to tell you about the hole that’s left inside of your little one’s heart when their birth parents walk away.
Many of our children were not old enough to remember the moment that they were abandoned, but their hearts remember. It’s a myth that only active memories cause heartache. Our minds are miraculous creations that take every experience of our past into account and use those experiences to shape us into who we are in the present.
My boy is afraid of being left, and God reminded me that I have been called to prove my love to him.
Proving love to someone who has been torn apart at the very fiber of who they are can be challenging. It doesn’t take very long before it becomes clear that we have probably overestimated our ability to love when nothing is being given in return.
Doing unreciprocated love is no joke.
But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God proved His love for us when we had nothing to give in return.
Jesus proved His love for us when He chose to walk among broken, sin-filled, mortal men.
Jesus proved His love for us when He healed the sick and poured out mercy to the most reviled violators of the law.
Jesus proved His love for us when He carried our sin debt to a wooden cross and died a criminal’s death.
And the proving, it continues.
I proved my love for my boys when I got on an airplane and crossed the ocean to become their parent, but they didn’t understand the brevity of the situation.
They were not suddenly convinced that I would never leave them, nor that I loved them.
I have to continue to love.
I have to continue to show patience.
I have to continue to give grace.
The alternative is that I am not proving my love to them.
So, The Father does the same.
He is continually doing a new work within us.
He is continually walking through the hard places with us.
He is continually speaking into our lives.
Filling the God-size hole that we all own simply because we are human.
He knew that we were orphans that needed a father.
He knows that we are insecure beings who need the constant reassurance of His presence.
He knows that it takes a lifetime of refinement for us to start to comprehend His love.
He is willing to do the work.
He is proving His infinite love for us.
(c) 2017 Victoria Paxton
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Victoria Paxton spends her mornings teaching special education and her afternoons raising two fantastic sons. She's the wife of Mr. Paxton, and, also, the mother of a grown, full of faith daughter who is married to Victoria's favorite son-in-law, Nathan.