Written August 2016
I've wrestled with this writing. It's 6:24 am on what would have been my oldest son's twentieth birthday, and I'm wrestling. It's a truth that is potentially a hard word.
The truth, there is no such thing as 'what if' in the Kingdom of God. Children of the Living God are not subject to the 'what if's' of suffering.
The 'what if's' come knocking on our heart's door, wreaking havoc on our emotions. They slip into our minds, chipping away at our mental health. 'What if's' bring condemnation onto what is already a broken vessel. They are a LIE. Lies come from the father of lies, not from the Father of Life.
God is not on vacation when suffering enters our life. He saw it coming long before we took our first breath. It is a fallen world and the will of man that causes suffering, but it is a sovereign God who allows suffering.
He allows us to become as Job.
He allows us to be hungry.
He allows us to be abandoned.
He allows us to be sick.
He allows our children to die.
Our God is sovereign, and He is eternal. The 'what if's' reside in the temporal. Our Father has an eternal plan that doesn't include an alternate scenario. It doesn't include the what 'could have' or 'should have' questions, the ones that eat us up from the inside out. We can't derail His plans. If He allowed it, it is part of His plans for our life.
Hanging onto the 'what if's' leaves us stuck. That's what all of hell wants for us. Satan wants us to reject the eternal plan. He wants us to be stuck in the temporal.
The temporal says, "My child is dead. God has taken my child." The eternal says, "My Father stood in the gap between Heaven and Earth and welcomed my child into His presence, and He will do the same for me. What can I do for eternity before I stand in His presence?"
There's a hole in my heart that will never heal as long as I'm on this wilderness journey. Lots of us walk around with a hole in our heart.
I miss my boy. I miss his laugh. I miss his lanky arms around my neck. I miss his 'did you know' facts. This momma's heart would take his place in a second, but I can't. It's not the plan.
We can fill our hearts with the 'what if's'. We can, but wouldn't it be so much better to open our hands to the things that last? Wouldn't it be so much better to submit our lives to the work of a sovereign, eternal God? Don't we want to say 'yes' to His plans before we enter into His presence?
The 'what if's' deserve to be thrown back into the pits of hell. After all, that's where they originated.
(c) 2017 Victoria Paxton
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Victoria Paxton spends her mornings teaching special education and her afternoons raising two fantastic sons. She's the wife of Mr. Paxton, and, also, the mother of a grown, full of faith daughter who is married to Victoria's favorite son-in-law, Nathan.